What is the biggest source of conflict in your life right now? What is the worst that could happen as a result of that conflict? Is there a chance you will lose face? Lose Friends? Lose money? Lose a job? Is there any real chance that this conflict could ever result in the death of someone close to you? Is there a chance it could result in your own death?

Getting Perspective around our Conflict

Most of us live in a world where life and death is not really an issue anymore. I mean death still happens, but we don't really have to deal with having to starve to death or be killed, or lose large swaths of the population to plagues, or violance. Right? In the history of human beings our conflicts are pretty... well... insignificant. Not to say they are not stressful. In fact by most measurements, we are living with more stress than ever. Am I the only one who thinks there is something wrong with that? How could we be more stressed when our lives are so much safer? What is stress anyway? Why do our doctors often advise so many of us to limit our stress? Stress has been linked to various diseases, even possibly a cause of a shorter life.

But regardless of how much easier our lives may be, we're confronted with conflict all the time, and are literally dying as a result of our stress. Why do we dislike conflict? Is that a modern invention also? Have we learned to be helpless?

Facing Down a Bear

There is a scene in the Disney animated film Brave that puts our current conflicts in proper perspective for me. I was thinking about doing hard things, and how we have such an aversion to doing hard things, and scary things, and facing conflict. And I watched this scene, and I was blown away by the implication.

In this scene, the king finds out there is a bear in the castle. But does he respond with fear? No. He screams "I knew it! YES!" Why is he excited that there is a bear loose in his castle and threatening his family?

The reason he's not worried about the bear is because he thinks it's the bear that he's been tracking for years; the same bear that took his leg. He is eager for an opportunity to confront this bear, and defeat him once and for all.

What's interesting for me is the fact that there are people who enjoy even the most awful tasks. Some people like getting in arguments and confrontations, some people like organizing, and meetings, and details. So my question is: is that because they just like those things, or is it because they have found a way to look at that task in a way that makes it more appealing?

And this got me thinking... If he can be eager to face this bear, and even fight it hand to hand, then is it possible for me to want to face my own fears? Well you might say, but this is just fiction, right?

Getting Pumped

Alright, well here's another example. How many of us dread exercise? How many of us hate going to the gym? And even if you don't mind it too much, what is the worst part of the experience for most people? There might be a lot of things, but I'll bet if we did a poll, we'd find that most people dislike the pain associated with working out, right? Well is it possible to look forward to that pain, even? Arnold Schwarzenegger describes this pain as "the pump" and in his book "Total Recall" he describes that pain: "The most satisfying feel you can get in the gym is the "pump". It's as satisfying to me as..." "... y'know? As having sex."

So I want you to consider a thought with me: are the things that you "like" and "dislike" or even "hate" are those things just "who you are"? Or is it possible that your feelings about those things are based on your opinions that you decided in the past? Is it possible to enjoy things that you currently hate?

I think most of us can answer yes to that one, for sure. Here are some of my examples: I used to hate broccoli, asparagus, dark chocolate, yard work, dishes, service, being told I'm wrong. All of these things I learned to like over time. Mostly because I kept trying them, or cooking them differently. Arnold also has some wisdom on this one:

"The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens"

You Have Power Over Your Own Perspective

There is also something to be said for understanding why other people enjoy the tasks that you hate, because I think that if you can see it from their perspective, then perhaps you can learn to enjoy it, like they do! Then rather than suffering through things you hate, suddenly it's about learning to enjoy, or even love aspects that you would have detested before. I'm sure you can think of something that you hated, but then learned to love? How did that happen for you? Did you find something about it that you liked? Did you want to like it, and then like a seed let that desire work within you?

Warren Buffet often says that he likes to throw out one idea or assumption that he has each year. I think that once you understand that all of this like/dislike stuff is just an opinion of your own making that you can also unmake, then you'll start to see the power you have over your experiences. And pretty soon you'll be able to find joy in anything.

I'll end with a quote from C.S. Lewis. Although it has a religious connotation, I want you to think of it in the context of your power over your own perspective. He said: